Friday, December 23, 2011

Girlie Logic on Driving

I'm driving home tonight on the interstate when a cop zooms around me and starts riding the bumper of the car in the next lane.  I'm thinking to myself, "This poor guy is about to be pulled over" when the cop car continues to ride their bumper and then finally gives up and zooms around him.  This little scene really got my panties in a bundle.  I've got three speeding tickets under my belt right now (currently awaiting my court date for the third one) and the hypocrisy of the police officer has inspired this posting.

How roadways should be according to me:
First, stop signs should be a suggestion.  If I can see that there is no one coming, I should be able to keep on going.  I do not want my car to get hit, so I promise I will stop if you are coming towards my vehicle.
Second, it is impossible for my car to go the speed limit.  Therefore, speed limits should be for those who feel the need to be limited.  In my world, the idea of speed limits should be assigned to different lanes of the road.  For example, on a four lane highway, the right lane can go 55, the second lane can go 60, the third lane can go 65, and the left lane can do whatever it wants.  This lane is reserved for the limitless.
Third, there should ALWAYS be a right turn lane, just for the sake of turning.  I hate it when I'm sitting there, second in the lane to turn right, and the person in front of me wants to go straight.  Dude, you are constipating my flow of traffic.  Be courteous and move over a lane.
Fourth, why is there a need for slower speeds in neighborhoods?  Kids don't play outside anymore.  They are playing video games or texting and doing other non-creative things.  And if a child perhaps actually goes outside due to, I don't know, a power outage, I would see said child and dodge him.  After all, I'm old enough that I played dodge ball as a child, so I'm pretty good at it.
Fifth, related to the fourth, cars should not have to stop for pedestrians.  You are slow and I am in a hurry or distracted.  You should be the one paying attention, you fragile human being with your lack of air bags and safety features.  Me passing you by is not going to take nearly as long as me waiting for you to cross the road.  My car trumps you in every way.

Drive safely everyone during this holiday season and please, whatever you do, do NOT drink and drive.  Mwah.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Over-commercialization of Christmas

One reason my boyfriend hates Christmas so much is because he feels it is too over-commercialized.  It is for this exact reason that I love it so much.

I find it very ironic that it is not politically correct to wish people a Merry Christmas.  I took a poll the other day that stated that out of the several thousand people who answered it, 90% of them celebrated Christmas.  So we Christmas celebrators are the clear majority.  And I would not be hot and bothered if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah.  I would wish them a Merry Christmas right back.  Lately, when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, they look sheepish.  If you are going to say it, boom it out like Scrooge after he's been spiritually visited.

Now, on to why I love Christmas.  It is the time of year where we get to share so many things with others.  We all sit, watching the Weather Channel with hopes of a white Christmas while the romanticized idea of snuggling by a fire with a loved one is deeply nestled in our heads.  It is the time of year where we can plan on avoiding any area near a mall because we know there's no way in flying poo we will ever get through the traffic.  It is the time of year where copious amounts of cookies and sweets make their way into our belly, and the soft angelic songs of Snoopy's gang ring in our ears and Hershey Kisses play a jingle jangle little tune on TV.  Everything seems to come together at this point in a celebratory Hoorah!  The end of the year is here and we've made it through another one.

However, for me, nothing else about Christmas beats the light displays.  It is the only place where penguins and polar bears can frolic freely, the only place where Jesus and Santa get along, and the only place where tacky is acceptable.  There is something peaceful about falling asleep to the gentle movement and hum of those tiny lights coming through my window at night, shining brighter than the moonbeams and stars and the Virginia Power streetlight.

My fondest memories are of the arguments between my parents:  will this year be colored lights or traditional white?  Decorating the house was always the best part of Christmas.  My sister and I each had our own little tree and nativity set. My mother's three wise men creeped me the heck out.  Homemade kings of fire and brimstone is more like it.  The politically correct black king was a literal interpretation of a "black" man.  Poor thing looked like he'd been tarred.  And the tallest wise man's face was definitely melted on.  He had a saggy eye.  I would always run quickly by them when I passed for the nightmares they ensued.

My sister and I always got a new ornament every year.  I still have my first (a wooden tree with presents inside) and, unfortunately, so does my mother.  This poor angel with fuzzy pipe cleaner arms and balding head finally met her demise to some squirrels last year.  It really did break my heart to see how it affected her.

I know Christmas is over-commercialized but it is because of that commercialization that I have so many fond memories.  Yeah, the wise men were creepy, but my grandmother made them, so I appreciate them.  I will always remember the year a mouse died in our sofa and we discovered it when moving the furniture to set up the tree.  The year everyone got sick because we decided to buy a real tree will always be in my memories and Miracle the cat always makes decorating the tree uber fun.

I don't care if you hate Christmas because you feel it's fake and everyone should be kind and happy throughout the entire year.  Or that if you want to give gifts, you believe you don't need a holiday to do it.  Here's what I have to say to that:  unfortunately, people are not kind all year round and they don't give presents or set up light displays or hang stockings or sing carols or drink eggnog or give fruit cakes or sell Hickory Farms in the mall any other time of the year.  So if stores want to start setting up Christmas displays before Halloween, let them, because it brings my memories evermore quickly to the place where the fondest times of my life exist.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


Ever since I was a small child, I realized I saw the world differently.  Not just because I was shorter than most people, but, as a friend later pointed out, I am quirky.  I like this term much better than the one appointed me by the bullies in my life.  Words like "annoying" or "weird" or even the distasteful "immature."  These words are harsh and judgmental.  Quirky.  Now, that's a very fun sounding word.  Like "eccentric."  Much better choice descriptions from our lexicon.

So... to start a blog.  How fun!  I was driving home last night after an absolutely fantabulous evening when I just had the notion I need to write.  It was like an itching under the skin.  Please, world, let me get my thoughts out there somehow.  Hmm... why not start a blog?  There are plenty of people out there doing it.  (And many whom should not be doing it.)  So, why not me?

This blog will be my own little world.  I love little things and this will be my little contribution to life.  The place where I get to dispense forth my own little opinions on how I see and feel things should be in the world.  My place for my own little opinions.  My own lil' world.